you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
