I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
