i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
