I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Panties = found
Randomize
