yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
