I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
