She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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