I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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