We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
