DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
