YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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