just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
