home. puking in laundry basket.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
