they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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