We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
operation have a gay friend backfired
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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