Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
