I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
