In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
