my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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