She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
