Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
