I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃ðŸ»ðŸŽ‰
We are so blessed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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