I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
