It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
