Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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