May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
