i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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