So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
