Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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