you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
