is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
