I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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