I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
