we have pet lesbian snakes
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
