The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
