I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
