i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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