Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
