Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
