just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
