She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize