My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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