oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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