she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
