Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize