yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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