i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize