no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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