If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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