This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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