You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
