I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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