Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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