Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
