I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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