you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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