my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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