bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
