Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
