Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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