Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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