someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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