reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize