i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
