I puked a lego.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
