He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
