mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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