At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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