I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
