I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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