I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
