why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
