No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
